Why I'm afraid of crowdfunding

Crowdfunding is amazing way to get the word out about your project. Even if you don’t raise any money, it’s a great marketing tool. It connects networks and fosters an interested base for your project before you even start filming. If the crowdfunding actually works, you raise the funds you need to produce your film. If it does all these great things, then why am I afraid of it?

There are several things I’ve been uncomfortable with for years; my self-image, speaking in public, portraits and appearing on camera in any way. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life was to overcome my self-image issues and build the confidence required not to care what I looked like. The process of overcoming this took more than a decade and involved making a film about it called ‘Measuring Tape Girl’. As time passed, I slowly started feeling more comfortable in front of the camera. I’ve reached a point now that I can do an interview without feeling like I was going to throw up. I’m still sweating throughout the whole process and I’m always a little afraid but I no longer feel like I’m going to have to pass out.

When I had to shoot my first crowdfunding video, that all changed. There’s something about staring directly at a camera that brought back all my insecurities very quickly. When you do an interview, there’s someone to talk to. Having a person to interact with makes a world of difference. Looking straight at the camera and trying to form sentences was a very difficult experience. I have no idea how actors do this or, more specifically, why they want to do this. I’ve spent my life behind the camera and when the camera and lights are pointed and me it feels like the gravity has been turned off and I’m floating in space. It might seem like I’m exaggerating, but for me it’s like holding your breath underwater; I can only do it for so long and then I have to come up for some air.

Now that the videos are done, what crowdfunding represents for me is a chance to fail publicly. I fail every day and I try to learn from it and move on, but putting myself in a position to fail publicly is something I usually try to avoid. It feels like I’m running towards a chance at failure. If I run fast enough maybe I won’t notice. It is the things that we are afraid of that we must run towards. The main goal of the crowdfunding campaign is of course to raise funds, but I think raising awareness about the film we’re trying to make is more important. I’m going to try to let go of my self-esteem and images issues for 45 days and see what happens. Embracing the things that you’re afraid of can lead to you understand why you were afraid to begin with, and eventually to let that fear go. indiegogo link